An open letter to my pregnant self

Dear Miss Perfect Know it all,

First off - congrats girrrrrl. And you thought it would take "forever" to get pregnant after being on the pill for all those years. Pfffff your mom was so wrong.

In a few short days you will become a mother to the most beautiful baby girl but right now you are worrying about all the wrong things. Stop focusing on all the things that you wont be able to control like your perfectly formatted birth plan or pooping on the hospital table. Trust me at that point you wont care if you poop all over the room as long as you get that baby out now!

I'm proud of you for reading all those hypo birthing books and listening to self affirmation tracks but honestly, once you feel that pain of those contractions your going to be screaming for an epidural. And once you get it don't you dare feel for one second that you are a failure because you didn't deliver naturally. You are strong AF and pushing a freaking baby out your woo with or without drugs is no small feet. So put that silly book down. Your labour is going to be what it is. Just try and get some rest while you still can.

On that note, why don't you take some deep breaths and enjoy a quiet warm bath. I know you are hot and uncomfortable but listen to me. Spend some time just sitting and cuddling with your husband on the couch. Enjoy every minute of it being just the two of you in a quiet clean house because you are going to blink, your baby will be here and it will never ever just be you and him. EVER. AGAIN.

Now I know you think your life is pretty much perfect. You have a beautiful house, a caring husband, a killer job and loving family and friends so this is just one other thing that will add to this perfect life of yours. I'm going to let you in on a little secret. Stop striving for perfection and seek balance in your life. Your child will not care if your hair is done or if the house is spotless. Your child doesn't understand the meaning of perfect. All she will want is for you to love her unconditionally and show her what 'fun' is all about even if that means putting the dishes on hold for a while. You are going to need to put some of your perfection anxiety aside and learn to just live each day in the moment and be happy with the chaos. Life is never going to be perfect again and honestly, it never was.

People say you better get ready because your life is about to change, we'll it's true. I don't think you can truly understand yet how it will change but trust me darling some days you're going to look down at yourself and think you are looking at a stranger. Your skin is going to be flabbier, your hair thinned out, your boobs are no longer going to be those perky things you loved showing off once upon a time, your jeans are not going to fit (and 7 months down the road they still wont fit so get over yourself and buy some new ones) and for the first while you will be wearing a diaper, yes a freaking adult diaper. And once you've finally graduated from that diaper you will start peeing your pants running to the washroom and then soon learn you have urinary incontinence. Oh the joys of motherhood. But it doesn't end here.

They physical change wont even compare to the mental change you will feel. Girl, your hormones are going to be so out of wack. Don't be surprised if you cry all. the. time. You are going to feel sad and distant from those friends who don't have kids. They'll be living their life, meeting up for drinks after work and talking to you less because lets face it you don't have anything in common right now. And I hate to say it but you're going to have disturbing thoughts of your baby dying in the oddest ways like getting run over by a car. Oh and you know that confident independent women you thought you were? Well now you will question every decision you make and you'll be calling your mom to ask her the most ridiculous questions "will stretch marks ever go away" and "whats the difference between shaking your baby and rocking it" - I promise you this is all normal and it wont last forever.

Lastly and maybe most importantly, please stop being a judgy little b*tch. You have no idea what other moms are going through and what they need to do to survive. Oh so you "read" that co-sleeping is bad? Well I'll tell you what is worse, a mom running on ZERO hours of sleep because her baby refuses to be put down. So stop, just stop judging and start supporting other moms. These moms are going to be your tribe. They are going to make sure you are not alone on this foreign journey. They speak your language and will have your back. They will listen to all your bullshit about how you are worried that your baby hates tummy time and wont ever crawl. Your mom tribe will be by your side (figuratively and literally as you spend countless hours on 'walks around the mall') and trust me you are going to need them more than you know.

So Lindsay, when you are knee high in vomit or overly exhausted try and remember are going to have good days, great days, bad days and some damn dark days. But everything is a phase. Motherhood is f*cking hard. If anyone tells you otherwise, don't believe them because they are lying. Don't be afraid to let your pride down and ask for help, take a million photos and videos, enjoy all the big moments but don't forget to celebrate the little moments (those are equally as important).

You are going to be a kickass mom and I promise you are going to get through it all. You are about to experience more love then you ever thought possible so hold tight onto that and keep going forward one day at a time.

xo

me.

PS. You think you love your husband now. Just wait till you see him with your baby girl. You will fall in love with him all over again but a million times harder and in a different more magical way. I am so excited for you!

Me 8 months pregnant staring out the window holding my belly.

Me and my husband Diego sharing an intimate moment on the bed.

Me lying down on my bed holding my pregnant belly,