It was easy for me to get pregnant and I feel guilty.

I've sat down to write this post multiple times now but always stop because I'm nervous of how others may react. I'm sharing my feelings out of love and respect for everyone out there fighting for a family. I'm sharing my feelings because I believe there are others out there that feel the same. And if thats the case it warrants a conversation. So here we go.

Picture of me holding Draper in her nursery at 2 weeks old.

It's no secret there are so many couples who struggle with infertility. Some days I scroll through my Instagram feed and I'm in tears as I read peoples stories on how they've been trying to conceive for months, years, with IVF or waiting for adoption or a donor or for the egg to take. It just breaks my heart but I can't relate, I can only empathize.

I was one of those lucky ones who got pregnant on our first try and yet I feel guilty about it. Why is that? I spent the last 14 years of my life doing everything I could to avoid pregnancy. In my early years I would hear of others having a hard time getting pregnant and figured it would be the same for me. Irony of life or something like that, but nope. The first time I peed on the stick and I saw those two (rather faint) lines I was filled with joy, excitement and gratitude. But now that I've actually become a mother I feel somewhat different about that positive pregnancy test. I feel a type of sadness that it can' t be that way and that easy for everyone.

Struggling to get pregnant is a hot topic of discussion among moms and those hoping to be moms one day. I think its truly amazing that women are talking about their struggles and sharing experiences, advice and support. After all that is what your tribe and community is therefore. But I always wish I had something helpful to say or some piece of advice or encouragement to offer but I find myself often sitting there in silence.

Then they ask me 'How long did it take you?" I don't want them to know. It didn't take any time. I don't want them to be mad or angry or feel anything negative about themselves. Instantly I'm overcome with guilt: guilt because it came so easy to us. Guilt because it doesn't come easy to many - including those I love. I know it sounds crazy, doesn't it? But it's the truth.

Quote that reads 'The struggle is part of the story'

I don't think we'll ever know exactly why it is easy for some to conceive and so hard for others. But I do know that we as women can continue to support each other through whatever life throws our way - happiness and sadness. We can celebrate together in our joy and sympathize with one another in our pain. And even though I can't personally relate to the heartbreak of infertility, I can totally understand why so many couples go through so much in their journey to create a family.

xo

LDT